me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
