Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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