she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
