Only a mothe r could love this liver
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
