it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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