I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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