do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Is it because I queefed?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
