Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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