i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
