you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
