I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
another moral hangover. fuck.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
