I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm having to shit out rocks
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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