"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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