She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
