Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
