I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
