i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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