i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We left an ass print on the piano.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Randomize
