I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
