I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
