This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
