every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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