Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
