Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
