guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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