i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
