I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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