I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
