I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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