1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
