No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
whose ass print is on the piano?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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