Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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