nut hugger
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
