Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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