i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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