apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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