You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
