I forgot how hot balto sounded
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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