So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I didn't notice because vodka
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
