I faked an abortion last night.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
