how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
