Umm I'm too high to move.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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