I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
