I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
