even my farts smell like vagina
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
