remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
