i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he thought i was a dude.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
