what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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