I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
