WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
