Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
